Umm I'm too high to move.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
