Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
