So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
