Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
