Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
