She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The Olympian is in my bed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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