she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
