Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
