dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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