I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
