I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize