just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
