but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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