I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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