I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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