Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
