That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
