Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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