Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
