why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
