I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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