Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
