Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My vagina is very pro this idea
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
