she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
