I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
