you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
