It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
