The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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