is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
