Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
