She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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