Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
