You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
