Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
