Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
