Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
