how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
