Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
