I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
