She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
