So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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