His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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