I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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