the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
why is half of my head shaved?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
