i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
