I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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