why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she looked like the before picture.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
