Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
