she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
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You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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