too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
