i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize