dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
