You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
