waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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