We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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