so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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