I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
either way he was missing a nipple.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
