I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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