my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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