Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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