Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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