I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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