at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
one two three fourrrrnication!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
did i walk over a car last night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
