Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
