the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
