I need help removing her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
