addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
