He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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