Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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