Jerry, you need to find god
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
