Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
