I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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