My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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