I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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