Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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