I just saw a hot homeless man
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
