It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
