She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
