Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
