...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Panties = found
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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