I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
