when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
