Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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